In Faith/ Life

forgiveness & grace

MandJ

I love her with every ounce of my being. You wouldn’t have known that on Sunday afternoon when I acted like nothing more than a wretch towards her. She wronged her sister. But she also wronged me, or so I felt. She colored on the front of Paige’s dress {a dress that I had spent countless hours making, a dress that was to be Paige’s Easter dress} with a very permanent dry erase marker because she was mad at Paige for doing something, still what, I am not sure. Instead of reacting the way that I should have, I reacted the way that I shouldn’t have. I acted like a child myself, telling her that she would allow Paige to wear her flawless dress on Easter, that she would wear her school clothes and proceeded to gather and throw away every dry erase marker in the house. Ugh, I’m almost brought to tears just thinking about the words, the sharpness of my tongue, and the condition of my heart as I reprimanded her. With my tongue, I took her down and then proceeded to rub her face in the dirt. And this is a child that I would give my life for. If only I had paused, calmed down, and taken a small breather.

MandJ2

We were quick to address her sin… but what was harder than that was addressing mine. Apologizing to my children is incredibly difficult…. but I do it, and I do it more often than I wish I had to. It pains me because it means that I have to recognize my sin and my sin is gross, selfish, and mean. It pains me because it humbles me to confess and repent my sin to my children {& the Lord}, my imperfections, my failures. As their mother, it pains me to ask for their forgiveness. In my flesh, I “reason” that they are the children, they are the ones who need to be instructed, apologizing, learning the ways of the Lord, aren’t I supposed to already know how to “act”? Yet, in my heart, I know what the Lord wants of me and that is to confess  and seek their forgiveness. And every time, the response is the same, “Yes, Momma, of course, I forgive you…. and I’m so sorry too!” With each instance of my coming before them asking for their forgiveness, I am hopeful for it to be the last time, unfortunately… I know that since my oldest is only five we’ve likely only broken the surface of being forgiven by each other.

A few weeks ago in our Monday night study we were talking about brokenness and the song Take My Life {brokenness is what I long for, brokenness is what I need, brokenness is what you want from me}. And how some people find distaste in asking for brokenness; that the Lord surely doesn’t want us to be broken. But the reality of such a concept is that out of the brokenness of our hearts {whether it be over the grievance of our sin or the current situation we face} springs mercy, love, compassion, holiness, righteousness, and faithfulness. While I’m never delighted for the opportunity to apologize to my children, I am thankful, that out of it, I am able to show them that I need a savior just like they do. Just as brokenness brings holiness, I pray the confession of my sins brings sweet communion with my children.

From The Valley of Vision {a collection of Puritan prayers} on The Family {pg 113– if you, or in my case, your husband has it on your bookshelf}…

O God, I cannot endure to see the destruction of my kindred.
Let those that are united to me in tender ties be precious in thy sight and devoted to thy glory.
Sanctify and prosper my domestic devotion, instruction, discipline, example, that my house may be a nursery for heaven,
my church the garden of the Lord,
enriched with trees of righteousness of thy planting for thy glory;
Let not those of my family who are amiable, moral, attractive, fall short of heaven at last;
Grant that the promising appearances of a tender conscience, soft heart, the alarms and delights of they Word,
be not finally blotted out,
but bring forth judgment unto victory in all whom I love.

Just a few reflections and thoughts for today… comments closed.

Another post to follow…

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