I love her with every ounce of my being. You wouldn’t have known that on Sunday afternoon when I acted like nothing more than a wretch towards her. She wronged her sister. But she also wronged me, or so I felt. She colored on the front of Paige’s dress {a dress that I had spent countless hours making, a dress that was to be Paige’s Easter dress} with a very permanent dry erase marker because she was mad at Paige for doing something, still what, I am not sure. Instead of reacting the way that I should have, I reacted the way that I shouldn’t have. I acted like a child myself, telling her that she would allow Paige to wear her flawless dress on Easter, that she would wear her school clothes and proceeded to gather and throw away every dry erase marker in the house. Ugh, I’m almost brought to tears just thinking about the words, the sharpness of my tongue, and the condition of my heart as I reprimanded her. With my tongue, I took her down and then proceeded to rub her face in the dirt. And this is a child that I would give my life for. If only I had paused, calmed down, and taken a small breather.

We were quick to address her sin… but what was harder than that was addressing mine. Apologizing to my children is incredibly difficult…. but I do it, and I do it more often than I wish I had to. It pains me because it means that I have to recognize my sin and my sin is gross, selfish, and mean. It pains me because it humbles me to confess and repent my sin to my children {& the Lord}, my imperfections, my failures. As their mother, it pains me to ask for their forgiveness. In my flesh, I “reason” that they are the children, they are the ones who need to be instructed, apologizing, learning the ways of the Lord, aren’t I supposed to already know how to “act”? Yet, in my heart, I know what the Lord wants of me and that is to confess  and seek their forgiveness. And every time, the response is the same, “Yes, Momma, of course, I forgive you…. and I’m so sorry too!” With each instance of my coming before them asking for their forgiveness, I am hopeful for it to be the last time, unfortunately… I know that since my oldest is only five we’ve likely only broken the surface of being forgiven by each other.

A few weeks ago in our Monday night study we were talking about brokenness and the song Take My Life {brokenness is what I long for, brokenness is what I need, brokenness is what you want from me}. And how some people find distaste in asking for brokenness; that the Lord surely doesn’t want us to be broken. But the reality of such a concept is that out of the brokenness of our hearts {whether it be over the grievance of our sin or the current situation we face} springs mercy, love, compassion, holiness, righteousness, and faithfulness. While I’m never delighted for the opportunity to apologize to my children, I am thankful, that out of it, I am able to show them that I need a savior just like they do. Just as brokenness brings holiness, I pray the confession of my sins brings sweet communion with my children.

From The Valley of Vision {a collection of Puritan prayers} on The Family {pg 113– if you, or in my case, your husband has it on your bookshelf}…

O God, I cannot endure to see the destruction of my kindred.
Let those that are united to me in tender ties be precious in thy sight and devoted to thy glory.
Sanctify and prosper my domestic devotion, instruction, discipline, example, that my house may be a nursery for heaven,
my church the garden of the Lord,
enriched with trees of righteousness of thy planting for thy glory;
Let not those of my family who are amiable, moral, attractive, fall short of heaven at last;
Grant that the promising appearances of a tender conscience, soft heart, the alarms and delights of they Word,
be not finally blotted out,
but bring forth judgment unto victory in all whom I love.

Just a few reflections and thoughts for today… comments closed.

Another post to follow…

We finished up Tozer’s The Pursuit of God last night in our small group, only after we were tricked into eating barf & rotten egg-flavored jelly beans. {…a quick rabbit trail, if I may… Monday’s are my favorite day of the week because of baking sweets, percolating coffee, meeting in our home with wonderful people, worshiping together, laughing our heads off, and studying God’s word. I can think of no better way to start the week.} Ok, back to Tozer, I hadn’t prepared by actually reading the chapter but after our discussion I was encouraged to read it today and I am so glad I did. The last chapter talks about how our human nature is to categorize our lives into two areas– the sacred and the secular, which results in the sacred-secular antithesis… what he calls a “creature of misunderstanding”. {All of this is very similar to what Brother Lawrence writes in The Practice of the Presence of God}

Basically we categorize our lives into tasks that are for the Kingdom {prayer, Bible reading, hymn singing, church attendance}  and those that aren’t {eating, sleeping, working, baking, decorating, laundry, dishes, etc}.  And Tozer does an excellent job at explaining and encouraging readers to “practice living to the glory of God”.

The Lord Jesus Christ Himself is our perfect example, and He knew no divided life.

Paul’s exhortation to “do all to the glory of God” is more than pious idealism. It is an integral part of the sacred revelation and is to be accepted as the very Word of Truth. It opens before us the possibility of making every act of our lives contribute to the glory of God. Lest we could be too timid to include everything, Paul mentions specifically eating and drinking. This humble privilege we share with the beasts that perish. If these lowly animal acts can be so performed as to honor God, then it becomes difficult to conceive of one that cannot.

As a group we talked about this and came to the conclusion that it’s easier for us to say our mundane tasks are for His glory but we are more reluctant to say things that bring us great pleasure  are also for His glory, primarily because they bring us great pleasure, it’s hard for us to reason that things that bring us pleasure also bring our Father pleasure and glory. For whatever reason, we bring guilt upon ourselves for delighting in our earthly pleasures, especially those that have little, to no sacred value. I think mothers are even more likely to heap on a scoop of guilt for doing things that they enjoy— reading, running, napping, or even escaping for a night of solitude. Last night we were encouraged by Tozer that the Lord’s love for His children is not limited to sacred acts; He delights in seeing us be delighted. One couple made the illustration of watching their son build something with Legos and what delight it brings them to merely see him be delighted. It was freeing for me to be reminded that the Lord loves to see me do what I love, to delight in something that doesn’t necessarily seem sacred by any stretch of the imagination. It goes without saying that He also loves seeing me give of myself sacrificially, but for some reason, a lightbulb went of last night at the other end of the spectrum, not the sacrificial tasks but the ones that I enjoy {photography, sewing, blogging, etc…} but am reluctant to consider them an act of worship.  

Paul’s sewing of tents was not equal to his writingof an Epistle to the Romans, but both were accepted of God and both were true acts of worship.

This has brought me to think more more about what I do, what I love, and what I love to do…

motherhood
sewing
creating
photography
blogging
baking
decorating
being outside
reading
sleeping
eating
laughing 

… and today, I am encouraged by and have found freedom in the fact that these things {like Paul’s tent making} can all be true acts of worship! Contrary to the things that I love to do, the things that I do but don’t necessarily love: sweeping floors, washing dishes, folding laundry, making beds, and cleaning toilets can all be done to the glory of God as well. But the clincher is: It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. Let a man sanctify the Lord God in his heart and he can thereafter do no common act. All he does is good and acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

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I was going to post earlier today to inform y’all that my rice bags & boo boo bags were posted on the Craft Hope for Haiti etsy shop… but sure enough they were already gone! But go ahead over and look… there’s still some great stuff left! If I make some more, I’ll be sure to let y’all know!