I love her with every ounce of my being. You wouldn’t have known that on Sunday afternoon when I acted like nothing more than a wretch towards her. She wronged her sister. But she also wronged me, or so I felt. She colored on the front of Paige’s dress {a dress that I had spent countless hours making, a dress that was to be Paige’s Easter dress} with a very permanent dry erase marker because she was mad at Paige for doing something, still what, I am not sure. Instead of reacting the way that I should have, I reacted the way that I shouldn’t have. I acted like a child myself, telling her that she would allow Paige to wear her flawless dress on Easter, that she would wear her school clothes and proceeded to gather and throw away every dry erase marker in the house. Ugh, I’m almost brought to tears just thinking about the words, the sharpness of my tongue, and the condition of my heart as I reprimanded her. With my tongue, I took her down and then proceeded to rub her face in the dirt. And this is a child that I would give my life for. If only I had paused, calmed down, and taken a small breather.

We were quick to address her sin… but what was harder than that was addressing mine. Apologizing to my children is incredibly difficult…. but I do it, and I do it more often than I wish I had to. It pains me because it means that I have to recognize my sin and my sin is gross, selfish, and mean. It pains me because it humbles me to confess and repent my sin to my children {& the Lord}, my imperfections, my failures. As their mother, it pains me to ask for their forgiveness. In my flesh, I “reason” that they are the children, they are the ones who need to be instructed, apologizing, learning the ways of the Lord, aren’t I supposed to already know how to “act”? Yet, in my heart, I know what the Lord wants of me and that is to confess  and seek their forgiveness. And every time, the response is the same, “Yes, Momma, of course, I forgive you…. and I’m so sorry too!” With each instance of my coming before them asking for their forgiveness, I am hopeful for it to be the last time, unfortunately… I know that since my oldest is only five we’ve likely only broken the surface of being forgiven by each other.

A few weeks ago in our Monday night study we were talking about brokenness and the song Take My Life {brokenness is what I long for, brokenness is what I need, brokenness is what you want from me}. And how some people find distaste in asking for brokenness; that the Lord surely doesn’t want us to be broken. But the reality of such a concept is that out of the brokenness of our hearts {whether it be over the grievance of our sin or the current situation we face} springs mercy, love, compassion, holiness, righteousness, and faithfulness. While I’m never delighted for the opportunity to apologize to my children, I am thankful, that out of it, I am able to show them that I need a savior just like they do. Just as brokenness brings holiness, I pray the confession of my sins brings sweet communion with my children.

From The Valley of Vision {a collection of Puritan prayers} on The Family {pg 113– if you, or in my case, your husband has it on your bookshelf}…

O God, I cannot endure to see the destruction of my kindred.
Let those that are united to me in tender ties be precious in thy sight and devoted to thy glory.
Sanctify and prosper my domestic devotion, instruction, discipline, example, that my house may be a nursery for heaven,
my church the garden of the Lord,
enriched with trees of righteousness of thy planting for thy glory;
Let not those of my family who are amiable, moral, attractive, fall short of heaven at last;
Grant that the promising appearances of a tender conscience, soft heart, the alarms and delights of they Word,
be not finally blotted out,
but bring forth judgment unto victory in all whom I love.

Just a few reflections and thoughts for today… comments closed.

Another post to follow…

We finished up Tozer’s The Pursuit of God last night in our small group, only after we were tricked into eating barf & rotten egg-flavored jelly beans. {…a quick rabbit trail, if I may… Monday’s are my favorite day of the week because of baking sweets, percolating coffee, meeting in our home with wonderful people, worshiping together, laughing our heads off, and studying God’s word. I can think of no better way to start the week.} Ok, back to Tozer, I hadn’t prepared by actually reading the chapter but after our discussion I was encouraged to read it today and I am so glad I did. The last chapter talks about how our human nature is to categorize our lives into two areas– the sacred and the secular, which results in the sacred-secular antithesis… what he calls a “creature of misunderstanding”. {All of this is very similar to what Brother Lawrence writes in The Practice of the Presence of God}

Basically we categorize our lives into tasks that are for the Kingdom {prayer, Bible reading, hymn singing, church attendance}  and those that aren’t {eating, sleeping, working, baking, decorating, laundry, dishes, etc}.  And Tozer does an excellent job at explaining and encouraging readers to “practice living to the glory of God”.

The Lord Jesus Christ Himself is our perfect example, and He knew no divided life.

Paul’s exhortation to “do all to the glory of God” is more than pious idealism. It is an integral part of the sacred revelation and is to be accepted as the very Word of Truth. It opens before us the possibility of making every act of our lives contribute to the glory of God. Lest we could be too timid to include everything, Paul mentions specifically eating and drinking. This humble privilege we share with the beasts that perish. If these lowly animal acts can be so performed as to honor God, then it becomes difficult to conceive of one that cannot.

As a group we talked about this and came to the conclusion that it’s easier for us to say our mundane tasks are for His glory but we are more reluctant to say things that bring us great pleasure  are also for His glory, primarily because they bring us great pleasure, it’s hard for us to reason that things that bring us pleasure also bring our Father pleasure and glory. For whatever reason, we bring guilt upon ourselves for delighting in our earthly pleasures, especially those that have little, to no sacred value. I think mothers are even more likely to heap on a scoop of guilt for doing things that they enjoy— reading, running, napping, or even escaping for a night of solitude. Last night we were encouraged by Tozer that the Lord’s love for His children is not limited to sacred acts; He delights in seeing us be delighted. One couple made the illustration of watching their son build something with Legos and what delight it brings them to merely see him be delighted. It was freeing for me to be reminded that the Lord loves to see me do what I love, to delight in something that doesn’t necessarily seem sacred by any stretch of the imagination. It goes without saying that He also loves seeing me give of myself sacrificially, but for some reason, a lightbulb went of last night at the other end of the spectrum, not the sacrificial tasks but the ones that I enjoy {photography, sewing, blogging, etc…} but am reluctant to consider them an act of worship.  

Paul’s sewing of tents was not equal to his writingof an Epistle to the Romans, but both were accepted of God and both were true acts of worship.

This has brought me to think more more about what I do, what I love, and what I love to do…

motherhood
sewing
creating
photography
blogging
baking
decorating
being outside
reading
sleeping
eating
laughing 

… and today, I am encouraged by and have found freedom in the fact that these things {like Paul’s tent making} can all be true acts of worship! Contrary to the things that I love to do, the things that I do but don’t necessarily love: sweeping floors, washing dishes, folding laundry, making beds, and cleaning toilets can all be done to the glory of God as well. But the clincher is: It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. Let a man sanctify the Lord God in his heart and he can thereafter do no common act. All he does is good and acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

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I was going to post earlier today to inform y’all that my rice bags & boo boo bags were posted on the Craft Hope for Haiti etsy shop… but sure enough they were already gone! But go ahead over and look… there’s still some great stuff left! If I make some more, I’ll be sure to let y’all know!

Well, I always think I’ll be here more often than I am. I have intentions of blogging about every other day but then life takes the wheel and I hop in the backseat, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing because I have 3 little ones who need me more than the blog needs me. But I’m so glad y’all liked Darby Doll, I thought she was quite a silly little doll myself and I can assure you’ll she’ll be back.

I finished up Batterson’s book, Primal, did I already tell you that? Probably so! Anyway, I can’t wait to share more with you from the second half but first I wanted to go back to the first half and re-write a paragraph that he has written on page 36. It has to do with going to the mall which I do about once every other year so it didn’t hit home for me from that perspective but if I just change a few words up it hits me at my core and is why I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. I’m taking out the word mall and entering blog.

Have you ever noticed that you can be perfectly content with everything you have, but one trip to the mall blogosphere can ruin all of that? All of a sudden, the clothes in your closet aren’t quite as cool, your decor is out of style, and your new gadgets seem old.  I call it the mall blog effect. {I, Darby, could add a lot more… my house is never that clean, I wish I had that lens, those dishes, that attitude, that relationship with Jesus, I wish I could take pictures like that, I never look that cute, I wish I could get away with my husband like that, I wish my kitchen looked like that, I wish I had the energy she has, I wish I could knit, I wish we got snow like that, I wish I had chickens. . .  I wish, I wish, I wish… ugh, I gross myself out.} 

What happens is this: you focus on everything you don’t have, and it produces feelings of want. Of course, the antidote for this is a trip to a third-world country. Seeing what others don’t have will help you appreciate what you do have.

I do this, more often than I care to admit. Lord Jesus, take me to a third-world country. If I flip the coin over, I can’t help but think do I paint a picture of perfection on the blog from our home? Sometimes comments lead me to believe this and if I do, it is a lie. Please rest assured of that. I try to be real and honest but the reality is, I’d much rather remember and record the good on here so it is what I write and share. Be also assured, that I occassionally show the bad but never the ugly. I think every blog needs a statement in the header: warning objects on screen are not always as they appear. I try to remind myself of that when I read/see something that leads me to think, “I wish…” By His grace, I’ve been spared the heartache that some experience but the reality is we each have our own personal dose of “real life”. The reality is life is hard, no one’s life is a walk in the park and I have to remind myself of Philippians 3:8 daily: What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

Blogging doesn’t incubate a spirit of humility– which is a whole other can of worms. I so often struggle with what to write and how to say it; to remind myself that I am in this world but not of it. I used to  not think much about what I would write because so few people read. Now I feel like I have to take every thought, every word to the Lord and ask that people not misconstrue what I portray and if they do, that I will let it go and remember that my accountability is to the Lord, my husband, and my family.

Ok…. just a few heavy Friday morning thoughts for you!  I want to be clear this was not in response to any comment or specific event… it is simply what the Lord has placed on my heart this week. Nor is this a ploy to hear your affirmation in the comments.

Speaking of this week… it’s been busy, just as every week is. Morgan is begging for some roller skates and before she breaks a leg or a foot we’re going to have to give in, I’ve caught her numerous times this week with her “homemade” skates on…

She cracks me. Her little creative wheels never stop turning… even at lunch time.

She’s been so helpful this week. We are having a few friends over tonight for dinner and as I prepared she was right along side me. She helped me set and decorate the table and I savored every moment we had together. She was so excited about the outcome of our work.  

Our dining room table is really more fitting for 4 to 6 but we thankfully were able to squeeze in 8 place settings. I am not a “formal” entertainer. When we have people over it’s very rare for me to even set the table {my goal is usually to just get the food fixed} but this week we decided to make it special and to think outside of the box as to how we could set the entire table, make it fun and festive and not spend a dime on anything {besides the food of course}… not even on fresh flowers that I wanted oh so bad! I hit a wall on the centerpiece; I wanted it to be special, with candles but still be on the low side so that we are able to see across the table. I resorted to calling Erika for help. She suggested using canning jars because she knows I have a whole slew of them. So, I did, along with a wreath I had in the closet, and a square tray from my sister-in-law that I turned upsidedown.

And I even managed to put a few of my vintage Valentines to good use. The one above with the little girl sewing marks my seat. My husband, or another one of the “hunter” husbands will sit here:

Ok, I must retreat to the kitchen I’ve got a fairly involved menu for tonight, thankfully most of which I’ve already accomplished, just a few loose ends to tie up!