49 In Articles

Day 13:: I Confess…


Perhaps hornet here is only half the problem. The other half is that his mother is a total PUSHOVER! I can’t help it. I cannot stand to hear him cry. He’s screaming so loud right now in his crib that our dog is barking {outside}. Not to mention that when he screams in anger he scratches his head until it bleeds. We spent the morning with our pediatrician {of whom I have great respect and adoration for; she’s a mom of 3. Have I told y’all I prefer female doctors for myself and my children?… I’ll save it for another day}. Anyway, my kind pediatrician has recommended that this child learn to sleep; for his health and development. In order for him to sleep he will have to cry. Lord, please let him learn quickly and painlessly with little damage to his head and my tender heart!

G O D S P E E D M Y P R E C I O U S O N E !

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  • Household6
    January 13, 2009 at 9:22 am

    Girl I’m glad she said it…I wanted to tell you but wasn’t sure it was my place.

    This is why they should cry it out as newbies…then you don’t feel quite so guilty!!

    He will be fine, crying is breathing/exercising and before you know it he will be sleeping through the night.

    I know BabyWise gets a lot of criticism but we used the methods (somewhat leniently) with our children and they were all sleeping through the night by 10 weeks (except of course for ear infections and occasional teething).

    He will be fine!! I promise! Sam used to cry for 18 minutes on the dot and then would fall asleep for hours. Good luck!


  • Lindsey
    January 13, 2009 at 9:32 am

    i totally understand. elle was a crier/screamer and honestly did not sleep thru the night consistently until 9 MONTHS?! grady, on the other hand, has been sleeping thru since 10 weeks. i know how hard it is because it’s not like you can do a lot else when they are screaming. grady sometimes won’t take a morning nap, but he’ll just play in his bed for an hour. elle would just scream. i will pray for you both, that sleep will come, and start coming easily… with out too many scars on his little head. i’m hoping and praying my #3 will be a sleeper!!!

  • Katie
    January 13, 2009 at 9:37 am

    literally my jaw flapped open when I read that he scratches his head till it bleeds…poor baby. I can see how you don’t wanna see him cry – look at that smile – its so adorable!!

  • Elizgonz
    January 13, 2009 at 9:37 am

    I don’t think that I’ve ever commented before, but I’ve been reading and enjoying your blog for a long time.

    I sooo feel your pain about the baby and the crying and the not sleeping. My third child is 9 mos. and is absolutely killing me. I’m learning to let him cry and it is so, so sad, but it is getting better. You’re not alone.

  • Kellie Patton
    January 13, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Again, right there with you – yesterday I let Henderson cry for 45 minutes at nap time – he had been awake 4 hours and I KNEW he was tired, but refused to go to sleep, all of a sudden at the 45 minute mark – SILENCE – he only slept 30 minutes of course, but that’s a start – then I did it again late afternoon and he only cried for 30 minutes and slept 45 minutes!!! Hang in there! the ironic thing is he goes to sleep without crying at all at night and usually sleeps all night – he’s just not a napper!

  • Dona
    January 13, 2009 at 9:43 am

    JM looks so sweet in that day gown!!! It reminds me of my sweet C who had collic for 9 months! crying and scratching- I wuld keep his nails so sort- I would have to cut them daily- then there was B- he would bang his head on the floor- he had a constant bruise on his head- he still doesn’t need any sleep- we tell him he gets that from Uncle Justin!
    It stinks to let them cry- I will be praying for you. Maybe it won’t take long.

  • Anonymous
    January 13, 2009 at 9:54 am

    Hi Darby,

    I’ve never responded before, but felt I should when I read this. My heart just aches for you in this situation. I have a 3 month old and I can relate. I will keep you and precious John Martin in my prayers. And, by the way, I love all things that you create!

    **Your girls are just as precious.**

    Praying for you, Amanda

  • christy
    January 13, 2009 at 10:00 am

    I can so relate, my son, now 5 1/2 years (smart & sweet as ever) was a horrible sleeper. I was a zombie that first year. He never seemed to fit into the norm of what the "books" said or what my friends kids were doing. I tried the "No Cry Sleep Solution" & others, but it didn't work, for either of us. He couldn't stand to sleep alone in his crib. So he slept with me, until he 3 1/2. He is a great sleeper now, but still requires less than "norm".

    Best wishes to you & that adorable little baby boy. You have three of the cutest kids ever! 🙂

  • megan
    January 13, 2009 at 10:32 am

    I am praying for sleep and rest in JM and peace for you. 🙂

  • the brown's
    January 13, 2009 at 10:33 am

    oh, i will pray for ya’ll. that crying just rips your heart out, i know. dylan was just like JM. she was a crier–and we had to let her learn to sleep. but we had lots of tears, from her and me! 🙂 not fun. it was all worth it in the end, but it is not easy. i will pray he learns quickly–that he gives up fast and discovers the beauty of sleep!!


  • the sweet life with olives
    January 13, 2009 at 10:36 am

    you will both make it through this in one piece! and you will certainly both feel better once he is sleeping better on his own. don’t think that your being a mean mom, rather think about how nice it feels to fall into your big comfy bed when your tired and sleep, by teaching him to sleep, you are giving him that gift! soon his tears will give way to a happy, contented and well rested little baby boy. may the force be with you! xoxo

  • The Nebrigs
    January 13, 2009 at 10:41 am

    I know how precious sleep is (I need it bad now), I will be praying for sleep for you and JM.

  • Hannah Fields
    January 13, 2009 at 10:48 am

    I am going through the same thing with sam and he is my third as well. it doesnt get any easier with the third. It is so hard to hear them cry. it breaks my heart. Good luck. I just tell my self over and over agian that it will help him in the long run. i also try and busy myself.

  • Hannah Fields
    January 13, 2009 at 10:49 am

    BTW, it is paying off. after a few nights he slept through the night last night without waking up. PRAISE THE LORD. i woke up anyway out of habit

  • Megan
    January 13, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Good luck! I hope he catches on fast. My daughter wouldn’t scratch herself but she would puke gallons in her crib when I left her to cry which forced me to get her out and clean everything up…Thankfully she got over that fast!

  • becky
    January 13, 2009 at 11:13 am

    oh girly i will pray for you now. i have always let mine cry once they got a few months old and let me tell you, it hurts hurts hurts up front, (hurts you, not him) but it is soooooooooo worth it. i wouldn’t lie to ya. i promise promise. it’s hard for me to get babysitters (e.g. grandparents) to get them to just lay little one down. but she won’t and i mean won’t be rocked. she’ll fight that out. but put her down, sometimes crying (more to her daddy…he is wrapped!!) but other times, she grabs her hippo to rub on her face and out she goes (with the help of her white noise and acquarium!) i’ll be praying for ya.

  • Team O
    January 13, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Hang in there girl! I have a 16 month old – we did it to him at 4 months – worked like a charm – he must be a quick learner – ha ha! Good luck and know we’re with you EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY.

  • The Martin's
    January 13, 2009 at 11:39 am

    I agree, the only way Mady ever learned to sleep was by “crying it out.” It was torture, though. My advice – get a good friend you can call when he is screaming and pray a lot! And remember, if you are consistent, hopefully it will not take that long. It was only a few nights with Mady. (The naptimes were another story…) Good luck – we’ll be praying for you!

  • Rhett, Megan, Claire and Ford
    January 13, 2009 at 11:43 am

    My two always got up at night to nurse until they were weaned (13-14 months) but when straight to sleep so it wasn’t a big deal. Although I was getting up at night I wasn’t dealing with a crying baby which is so tough. My nephew was/is a crier and has never learned to sleep at night – he’s 2 1/2 now and my sil has a newborn who is up AND a toddler who is up all through the night. It’s rough.

    I hope you two can come to some sort of an agreement and he can find out how perfectly wonderful sleeping can be! I’ve heard of little ones who did better just being in mommma’s room or sleeping in a co-sleeper – they just like to be close by and are able to sleep better in that situation. Hope it all goes well 🙂

  • Stephanie
    January 13, 2009 at 11:51 am

    I had to do that with Ryan too. He was 9 months old before he slept through the night and we had to let him cry {scream} it out…I cried and had to leave the house and entrust him to my wonderful and much stronger husband. I would go for a d.coke or a walk. He was a much happier child during the day when he started to sleep. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you deal with this tender situation. It does break a Mama’s heart!

  • Jessica Ranjbari
    January 13, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    I’m the same way! I can’t stand to hear them cry….One day I realized I was going to go crazy with no sleep so I forced myself to not go in the room and Adriana would not give up – she was so stubborn and would scream and cry until I thought she would be sick. It took maybe a week and then she learned that crying/screaming wasn’t going to help. It’s so, so hard but necessary! I’m going to try to start it a lot earlier with the next one…. definitely go somewhere else in the house and distract yourself (calling a friend is good) or you’ll go crazy listening to it.

  • Allyson
    January 13, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    D- he sure he is a handsome little guy! I’m so sorry he’s giving you trouble. I will pray for both of you that things turn around FAST!!

  • Lisa
    January 13, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    You are a good mama…
    You are doing the right thing! Just remember the right thing isn’t always fun! (speaking from experience of course!)
    As I type these words, my 20 month old has climbed out of his crib for the 3rd time!! Time for me to do the right thing myself!!! 🙂
    Hang in there..the third one just takes things over the top!

  • Finley's Mom
    January 13, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby? It is a great book- that I highly recommend. You do not need to read the whole book, you can skip to the chapters that pertain to you.

  • Finley's Mom
    January 13, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    My previous post got cut off. The book is written by Marc Weissbluth (he is also our pediatrician) and the beginning is a little wordy, but when you get to the age appropriate sections the examples make so much sense and you can surely find one to relate too. The book also explains some of the other sleep training methods as well so you can pick and choose what parts of each you want to use. My friends and I all swore by this book, especially in regards to nap training. Fin was always a great night sleeper, but it took her until 5 months to start regular naps- this book was such a help.

  • jeana
    January 13, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    I couldn’t understand more! Been there… am there. 🙂 I will pray for y’all!

  • beki
    January 13, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    I know it seems awful, but it’s for the best. Y’all will survive! I didn’t do anything like that with my first, but I did with #2 and #3, when I felt they were ready (which was usually my breaking point).
    I’m with you on female doctors, I prefer them too.

  • kdurec
    January 13, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Oh Darby, I am so sorry that you are having to let him cry! We had to with our little girl at 5 months (she started waking up 7 times a night and totally relied on me to put her back to sleep. Now I only have one but that was pushing me beyond exhaustion.)

    It was so hard BUT it did work. I would pray and pray while she cried and after a few days the crying was replaced by fussing… which got less and less and less and by the time she was six months she was sleeping 12 hours a night. In our case it was SO WORTH IT, even though it was terrible for us parents! She sleeps like a champ now (unless she is sick or teething or some other such crisis).

    Hang in there!

  • The Harris Family
    January 13, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    Repeat this mantra: “I’m being a GOOD mom, I’m being a GOOD mom, I’m being a GOOD mom” Because you ARE! He won’t remember….only you will so if you tell yourself that you’re being a good mom then you won’t feel that guilt now or later. Have you ever read “On Becoming Baby Wise” by Dr. Gary Ezzo. It’s controversial but we did the ‘babywise’ method and it worked SO well. I agree with Becky, it hurts up front but it’s so worth it. The white noise or music is a good idea too. “Lord Jesus comfort JM right now and mostly comfort Mama, she needs it more than she knows. And Lord reveal to Darby what an important job being a Mama is and how she’s doing such a GREAT job!”

  • andi
    January 13, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    YIPPPEEE!!!!!!!!!!! I have wanted to say it too. LET THAT BABY CRY. HE will be fine. Get in the shower…a long one. Go outside. Put on your ipod. He will learn and you will sleep, eventually. He must learn how to do this in order to promote healthy sleep. 🙂 I have a great book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby if you would like to take a look. Hugs~~~~

  • jen quinn
    January 13, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    I am so with you! I have yet to put Hudson in his crib. He likes to eat thru the night as well. I know it’s time and reading this post has given me the strength to do it. I will be praying for you both!

  • The Gotbeters
    January 13, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    That is really a tough one..I am not a fan of cry it out. Nether of my boys were sleepers until they were much older, they will get it eventually even with out the crying..Every parent makes the best choice for the family, but just know that cry it out is not the only option to get one to sleep…Hang in there.

  • Anonymous
    January 13, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    I really know your struggles! I have a now 5 month old son who had severe colic and cried every minute of every day for 3 months (unless you had the vaccuum cleaner on- which now doesn’t work b/c we didn’t turn it off for 3 months!!)Anyway. once the colic was over he still wasn’t a good sleeper. He would go to bed around 8 and get up sometimes before I ever got in the bed. Needless to say I was a total zombie (i can’t even imagine how you are doing it with 2 other children). Anyway, we finally decided to let him cry it out. He cried for hours at a time for 4 nights and finally gave up. Now he sleeps from 7:30 pm to 7:30am. Good Luck! It is so tough. We will be praying for ya’ll. And yes, he is absoutely precious and I can imagine that it is tough to let him cry.

  • the mommy
    January 13, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    i stumbled across your blog and LOVE it! my family and i are in similar situations – renovating a house, toddler girl “dramas,” and a cutie-patootie baby son who, like your little man, does NOT like to sleep, especially not alone in his own crib. so nice to know we’re not alone! : ) we just started the cry-it-out method too. ick!

  • The Braddocks
    January 13, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Hey Darby! I’m a new “commenter” though I’ve been obsessively reading your blog for months. Just wanted to add a shout out that though the road is hard when your kid is screaming, the result is TOTALLY worth it!!! Hang in there!!! 🙂


  • Todd and Randi
    January 13, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    You can do it! You can do it! He’s safe, healthy and loved. Three days, five max and he’ll be sleeping like a champ. I know how hard it is to sike yourself up for this, but it’s so worth it, for both of you.

  • Anonymous
    January 13, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    He is a handsome and sweet looking little hornet. If it makes you feel any better Little C still wakes up at 3 in the morning , puts on her snow white outfit and comes into our room every night. And I did the crying it out thing when she was a baby and it did help somewhat. I will pray for you guys!!

    Lots of love,
    Alison B.

  • Dianne
    January 13, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    Boy this brings back memories. My grown son wasn’t a sleeper and still is not. I let him cry and I’d cry too. I finally decided to use that time for my shower. I couldn’t hear the crying and he finally stopped. Of course, I was a prune! LOL

  • The White House
    January 13, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    It is killer! For some reason it was easier for me to let my daughters cry than my son… weird. He is such a momma’s boy.

  • erika
    January 14, 2009 at 6:13 am

    i think you need to get away for a weekend and come see me… i will pamper you and promise not to wake you up in the middle of the night. you are an awesome mommy… you’ll have that hornet trained in no time!!

  • Jess
    January 14, 2009 at 6:35 am

    letting my children “cry it out” seemed so insane to me….I cried with them in the other room, but now I have two great sleepers! my husband, who seemed unbothered by the screaming would handle bedtime much better…so I would take a bath, or go for a walk around the block….reading all the other comments looks like us mommies are not alone….prayers and thoughts with you from one mom to another.

  • Victoria
    January 14, 2009 at 8:19 am

    Oh I remember the days of letting my baby cry. It helps to crank up some music so you can’t hear it as much or walk to the mailbox! Also look at the clock when he starts because sometimes it’s not as long as we Mommies think! It helped me to see she had only been crying for 5 min when I felt like it had been FOREVER!

    I’ll be thinking and praying for you…

  • Addison's Mommy
    January 14, 2009 at 9:08 am

    I am not a fan of the cry it out method at all…it just seems to harsh and mean to make an infant do that, for me personally. I found a solution with the Sleep Lady and her “Sleep Lady Shuffle.” It worked for my child who’s now 2..she coslept with us until she was 14 mos and I thought we’d never get her out of the bed…

  • Carly
    January 14, 2009 at 9:10 am

    Could he get any sweeter! Im a sucker for that smile too! Do the best you can do and enjoy your sweet bundle of joy! There is not ONE solution for all babies, so do what works for you!

  • lindsay
    January 14, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    OH sweet Darbs I’m there girl– I’m there!

  • The Buchanan Family
    January 14, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    oh my, I am going through the same thing with my 17 month old, he hasn’t required much sleep since he was born and as he gets older the less he seems to need. he wakes up several times a night and like you I just can’t stand for him to cry…good luck. we are trying to let him cry it out also! Good luck-WE’RE GOING TO NEED IT!

  • Michelle
    January 15, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    My little 6 month baby boy (and incidently just over 18 lbs too!) is not a good napper. I had to let him cry today and it was horrible! My MIL called during and then after to let me know how proud she was of me. It was so hard, but he did finally get the sleep that he so needed. I hope that your sweet little one sleeps much better soon…what a cutie!

  • Martha
    January 16, 2009 at 4:42 am

    Hi there!

    Ugh! My 8 year old was a colicky infant, so I read the book that Finley’s Mom suggested when she was about 2 months old(Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth)and it worked like a charm, but MAN, is that a hard thing to do…..and I’ll bet it’s even harder when you have 2 other babes like you do. I used to read key points of the book WHILE she was crying to remind myself why I was doing this.

    Hang in there, it’s going to take a while, but it will better for everyone in the end. My 8 year old is such a great sleeper! To this day! I give this book to every new Mommy.

    Hugs to you and the family….the noise of the crying can be hard on everyone.

  • No.35style
    January 25, 2009 at 11:55 am

    His outfit is so darling. I could just sqeeze those precious little cheeks! I hope he is sleeping better now!