Morgan helping me make eggs for breakfast. That’s the butter for her toast (she wants to do everything herself these days).
I’m trying to be positive but I’m having a hard time here lately. As I’ve mentioned before I’m a “glass half-empty” person and thankfully I’ve been convicted of this and have made some changes. But this week I’m really struggling with it. The combination of interrupted sleep (by both a two year old and a ten month old), a house that’s not ours, hot and a “little bit gross” as MCS would say, a husband who has been in the woods as long as the sun is up (raking pine straw… not playing), uncertainty of what the future holds, and some unmet expectations have put me in a disillusioned state. I’m still trying to convince myself that I don’t want to switch places with my husband and go to work or push rewind on our lives and go back to Tallahassee.
I’ve never have been one to have my life planned out and I can pretty well roll with the punches. However, I seem to be struggling with this very thing. I had these expectations (they’re dangerous I know!) of moving to Dothan and spending more time with my husband. I imagined him being a small business owner and being around so that I could have a little bit more time for myself. I imagined us being in a rental house while we build our house. And so far pretty much none of this is happening . And when I say time for myself, I don’t mean time to get a pedicure, time to run errands, time to shop, time to sit and read, I really just mean time to go to the grocery store to buy our groceries. Having two young children really ties me to the house, especially when I can’t seem to get them to sleep at the same time. I think I’m feeling a little trapped too!
I’m interested in seeing what the Lord will teach me through this. Being in limbo is hard for me and I’m certain His plans are better than mine and since I have none now, I’m really certain His plans are better than mine. I just wish He’d send me an email with a timeline of all the big and small details that I seem to be mulling over. And tell me exactly WHAT is next and WHEN would be nice too! But then what would I need Him for?
Thankful for and reminding myself of His SOVEREIGNTY… Darby