35 In Articles

Hydracodone + Blogging=…

I rationed out my pain killers and had one little pill left for a time such as this! And now that the painkiller is in my system I’m feeling up to a little blog post! I took a trip to Walmart by myself this afternoon… bought enough groceries for a small army and by the time I got home with my very large stash I was certain I would pass out from the pain. But rather than get in bed like I should have… I decided I’d stand in a hot kitchen and brown the 5 lbs of ground beef that I purchased and put it in the freezer for another day… by the time the browning was done… I was done. So, now in a drug-induced state I’ll post about our weekend.

People always like to blog about how sweet and loving their husbands are. How come I’ve never read a post about fighting with your husband? Well, this may be a first! Honestly we had a rough start to the weekend and several harsh words were exchanged… nothing explicative in nature {although that has happened too, I’ve even thrown pizza on the floor} but words that aren’t nice and hurtful. Even though no one ever blogs about fights with their husbands, I imagine most of y’all have them. If not, I think you might not be telling the truth. So, our weekend didn’t start off too good. Thankfully we’ve reconciled and are on the same page now… praise the Lord! I really feel like there’s not much a lower feeling than to be at odds with your husband. We seem to always argue over things that I imagine most of y’all argue over… time & money {or the lack thereof for both}. I think eventually we’ll come to the realization that we are both doing the best we can and hopefully we are working towards recognizing each other’s needs. I often feel like Paul when he says in Romans 7 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Thankfully we both realize the depth of our depravity {and if we don’t recognize it we have each other to remind us of it… which my husband is extremely skilled in confessing other people’s sin} which continually points us to our need of Savior. If you need help seeing your sin… just get married and ask your spouse; I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to help you see your need for a Savior!
Saturday was pretty low key. Justin had to do some work stuff in the morning and again in the afternoon how dare him work on a Saturday, what is he thinking! Does he not love us and want to be here with us! Does he not think about me, I’m here everyday with these children, what about ME, ME, ME?! to provide for his newly expanded family. The girls played Play-doh {that a genius mother of 4 brought when she brought dinner last week!!} It’s always so fun to see them be creative and then be so proud of the work that they have done.

Today we didn’t make it to church but rather took it easy around the house this morning. A couple other families joined us for lunch & swimming and by the time all of this was said and done we had 3 children who were completely pooped out. The girls hit the sack and I hit Walmart. And well here I am now, in a hydracodone stupor blogging from my bed with John Martin who has just done a massive poopy explosion. This situation seems fairly familiar. I believe in his 2 short weeks on this planet I’ve been blogging with him in bed and it’s all come to an end with a poopy explosion… off for diaper duty! By the way… this whole “outdoor plumbing” thing that boys have going on… is taking some MAJOR getting used to!! Good night!!

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  • Hannah Fields
    July 20, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    thanks for your honesty. Yes, being at odds with your mate feels pretty low. “lower than a snakes belly in a wagon wheel rut” (a little saying i picked up tonight) I am glad we are not the only ones. Stress seems to bring out the worst in us. I am constantly trying to remind myself to put my husband first. I think he does a better job of it than i do. anyway, thanks for sharing.

  • Jennisa
    July 20, 2008 at 8:10 pm

    UGH! I only wish I would blog about my husband more often! It’s so hard, because church people read our blog (I think), so I have to be “polite”. BUT, those crossed out words…man, I feel like saying those every day. Why is it that THEY get to choose when they get to be a parent, or if they want to change a diaper, but us, well we just HAVE to do it…grrrr….we don’t have a choice!

    Anyhow, hope you’re feeling better! That cute dress of Avery’s is from Target for $12.99 I got a matching one for Liv…they are super cute! 🙂

    Have a great week! 🙂

  • Holderby Family Blog
    July 20, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    Ok I have to confess..I’ve been stalking your blog!! I’ve been meaning to comment for so long, but i too am a frantic busy mom of 2 girls 2 and 4 months. i love all your posts and you are such an encouragment! We are christians living in san diego ca. I think i found your blog thru The Birklebachs…but i can’t be sure! Anyhow…i really loved this particular blog…as i had a c section in march and it’s been tense between my husband and i. Although I do remember the same tension when i had my first daughter and we did get thru it. But when your in the midst of it it seems like there’s no end in sight…anyhow…I love your bolg and your children and home are beautiful!! Blessings to you all!
    jen holderby

  • Marla
    July 20, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    Chin up Darby! My little guy vommited all over mommasissy’s couch tonight. Talk about a low point and need for pain meds!

  • Megan
    July 20, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    Hey Darby! I have been reading your blog, which I found from Jenn DeVilleneuve’s (I think). I wanted to tell you that I LOVE your blog, and I am so impressed with you and your family!

    A few years ago, I read Sacred Marriage (which was, ironically, given to me by Jenn). In it, it talks about the fact that the Lord uses marriage as a tool for our sanctification. How true is that???!!! I love that you are honest with your relationship with your husband, but I love even more that you recognize the Lord’s sovereignty in your relationship and that you see that “there’s not much a lower feeling than to be at odds with your husband!”

    You are so sweet, and I look forward to reading your blog more!

  • Laura
    July 20, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    I cannot remember how I found you blog but I am loving it. I am a mother of four and just reading your feelings reminds me of having babies etc… Especially how tough it is to adjust to a new baby while recovering from a c-section and pregnancy. It’s nuts!

    I loved this post. I loved that you admitted the normal fights all of us who are married have.

    Hope you get some rest. Your little girls are adorable! Congrats on the boy. I have three girls and one boy and when my little guy was a baby it took some getting used too. Especially the whole keeping it covered thing (or be sorry).

  • Beth G.
    July 20, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    I am praying for your family and the transition! You have been so blessed with three amazing, beautiful children. AND… I know how hard Csections can be… The Lod will give you strength! God bless!!

  • The Allen Clan
    July 21, 2008 at 2:54 am

    this is why i love darby! thank you for being honest.. i still managed to laugh out loud even when you are blogging about your ole husband!

  • Household6
    July 21, 2008 at 4:52 am

    Girl, if I blogged about every fight between Greg and I, my blog would be one long drama fest. At times it seems that is all we ever do. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. AGH!!!!

    A lady at church just gave me “Sacred Marriage” and “As Silver Refined: Learning to Embrace Life’s Disappointments”. I need both, but don’t want to admit it.

    I am such a sinner and so depraved but I sure like to point out all the things Greg does wrong. That’s a lot easier then addressing my sin.

    Wow, good for you, this post was very convicting.


    P.S. I have really been thinking about the email I sent you, I’m not not responding to you, I’m still mulling things over ;0)

  • Household6
    July 21, 2008 at 5:03 am

    P.S. Yes outdoor plumbing is difficult to get used to, but you just wait to see a son’s love for his Mother…wow am I lucky x4 on that one….unfortunatly, what’s that old saying….A daughter’s a daughter for life, a son’s a son till he takes a wife…sniff, sniff…….

  • Jellybeans Children's Boutique
    July 21, 2008 at 5:38 am

    What a great blog! I found you through another link. Your family is adorable and I love your anecdotes. I think that you might enjoy visiting our website and reading our blog. By the way, two of my children are Auburn grads. War Eagle!

  • andi
    July 21, 2008 at 5:41 am

    I hope you are feeling better today. 🙂 It’s a big transition to add another little one to the family. We have certainly been there. I usually say lots of mean things, but Ben refrains. That makes me even more mad, but he reminds me that you can’t take back words you say. A lesson I am still in tutoring for.

  • erika
    July 21, 2008 at 6:06 am

    If I lived nearer I would have gone to Walmart for you.
    Sorry about the last pain pill too!
    Totally off the subject: where ever did you get that cute fruit tablecloth?

  • Ashley
    July 21, 2008 at 6:30 am

    It’s funny that you say this a/b why folks don’t blog a/b fighting in the family – I was just talking to Adam the other day a/b how when you ready a 1000 blogs, it’s often hard to not compare yourself to everyone else. I said, “does anyone fight? does anyone struggle?” And, he reminded me that I don’t always air our dirty laundry either! There are people that likely thing WE have it all together!

    Well, know that we DON’T, and I pray that we are as transparent as is glorifying to the Lord (i.e. not constantly tearing each other down publicly). Thanks for you honesty, Darby! It’s really refreshing!

    Hope you feel better – in my prayers!

  • Anonymous
    July 21, 2008 at 6:35 am

    I think that EVERY married couple has these days and moments…..if they don’t they are lying. Our latest tiffs have been over money. I am a stay at home mom of two boys (and a little girl due in 3 weeks). Joe keeps saying, “I make good money….why do I feel like we are living paycheck to paycheck?” What he doesn’t see is how much we spend on gas and how outrageous gas has gotten. So I felt like I was forever defending our disposition…..because I know that milk has gotten up to $5 a gallon and we go thru 2 a week. Needless to say, he hit the grocery for me this weekend and came back seeing everything thru new eyes. Thanks for sharing your story…..it made me feel normal!! ~Leslie

  • alston
    July 21, 2008 at 6:42 am

    i feel like those fights are even harder when you’re tired [ie: when you have a newborn]…i can remember saying [actually, yelling] “here i am feeding your child with my own body and you’re treating my like this!”

    and i am so impressed that your playdoh is still separated into the different colors – it only takes the boys about 5 minutes before our playdoh becomes a pukey shade of gray!

  • Kendra White
    July 21, 2008 at 6:52 am

    Darby, Thanks for your honesty. Pizza on the floor doesn’t seem bad. Our silverware racked is ducted taped together (let your imagination run). However I am reading “Scared Marriage” by Gary Thomas (a must read). And the whole point of the book is “what if marriage were to make you holy instead of happy?” It has been a real eye opener. But sometimes when I am all done with my toddler and husband I get a sense of peace that Jesus got angry in the temple! Hang in there!

  • The White House
    July 21, 2008 at 7:39 am

    Hi Darby, thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate the reminder that our spouses probably are doing the very best they can, just as we are. I am so hard on my husband sometimes, and he is really good- I just lace into him about working so much! Wish I had some hydracodone, my back is killin’ me. I can’t believe how active you are with a newborn and 2 little ones. Sure forces you to be active when you have other kids.

  • The White House
    July 21, 2008 at 7:48 am

    Darby, I don’t usually point people to my posts in comments, but if you get a chance (yeah right, like you might want to do this instead of go to the bathroom, with your spare 20 seconds), read:



  • lauramatthews
    July 21, 2008 at 7:54 am

    hey darby — friend of chris hill so i lurk on you and your sister’s fabulous blogs. first, CONGRATULATIONS on your little boy. he is precious (and so are your girls). THANK you for your honest post — like all of the previous commenters, i completely understand your post and just wanted to say you are an amazing example of a mom and sister and wife (i don’t even know you but can just tell)…i wish i DID know you. i am thinking about you today and hope you are more and more pain free QUICKLY!!! blessings to you and your precious family…and thanks for your transparency…striving to do the same as i work on relationships both personal and spiritual…

    laura matthews
    memphis, tn

  • chilly
    July 21, 2008 at 10:01 am

    Indexed must have seen your blog post (love the honesty by the way):


  • kdurec
    July 21, 2008 at 11:57 am

    I really appreciated this post. I would blog on my hubby more than I probably should if his family didn’t make up the majority of my readers. (bashful face) 🙂

    We actually are at odds as we speak, and I have read Sacred Marriage and obviously know better! Thanks for reminding me that this is just part of marriage. 🙂 And pizza seems like a pretty harmless thing to throw! Let’s just say there’s been a couple of dishes broken in our house!

    I hope things get better as you recover from your c-section and adjust to having three little ones. I’m praying for you all!


  • Jennifer
    July 21, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    As I’ve said before, I really think men/husbands need A LOT spelled out for them. 🙂 When we assume they already know/understand we’re usually very wrong, and that’s when the arguments begin. At least that’s how it is for me! Even though we both want the same result, it sometimes takes awhile to get there!

    I’m glad you had fun with the girls and their play-doh. Paige’s hair looks adorbale in that bob — the last picture of her in your post is priceless.

    Hope your Monday has been good!

  • Jennifer
    July 21, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    By the way, That’s supposed to say: Paige’s hair looks adorable…not adorbale! 🙂

  • the brown's
    July 21, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    great post!

    love your honesty–so refreshing!! we have certainly had plenty of arguments–and oddly enough, most of them are also about time and $$!! stress certainly seems to escalate their frequency!!

    praying for you guys as you transition into this new chapter in life. i only have 1 little one, and feel the way you do sometimes–know you are not alone!!

  • The Rauths
    July 21, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    thanks for your honesty darby. i’m still new at this marriage thing (married since 12/29/2007) but i’m a firm believer that a fair fight with my husband can only brings us closer. hang in there…i’ve never met you in person, but i would have gladly hit up walmart and browned your meat for you if i lived anywhere close. hope you were able to enjoy some alone time at least shopping at walmart, love that store! hope you are having a better day today!

  • j
    July 21, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    A fellow blog stalker here. Found your blog through a friends. Great post! I scimmed most of the comments, and I think I might just be the first guy to comment. I hope all you ladies don’t mind. Before I say anything I know you and your husband love one another, and you already know most of what I am about to say. He worked on Saturday because he loves you and your children, and he wants to give you all that he possibly can. I work odd hours and days, and it just tears me up that my wife has to be by herself when she is not working. Providing for and taking care of a family is stressful. There is no doubt in my mind that taking care of 3 little ones is no less stressful. As a man I would rather all the stress be on me than my wife, but we can’t always hide it. It’s funny how different men and women are. What frustrates one of us doesn’t mean squat to the other one.

    July 21, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Hello there! Found your blog, and I love it! Congratulations on the little one, he, along w/the girls is absolutely adorable. And, I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t have a perfect marriage! Hope you are feeling better, and running around soon enough.

  • Brandi Bartee
    July 21, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    Darby, I found your blog from Tara’s but actually knew Justin growing up. Anyway, thanks for your blog and the honesty. I am a stay-at-home mom with two kids (6 months and 23 months) and just had the same conversation/fight with my husband yesterday. It is stressful with such young children but we are totally blessed to see each milestone our child makes. We are forming great relationships and nurturing our children. We have very important jobs but don’t always get the credit we deserve from our spouses. I do often joke about how I would like to work and let my husband stay at home. He always says I am doing it b/c I am talented enough to do it. I went away with my sister for a shopping trip while I was pregnant with the 2nd one and left him with my son for 36 hours. He really seemed to appreciate all that I do with the kids and a Walmart trip yesterday with him and the kids left him in a tizzy. He has offered to keep the kids in the future so that I don’t take both of them with me to the store. He now understands why I dislike taking two kids to the store. I should also explain that he has been working full time and going to school at night plus studying for the last 18 months. On Friday and Saturday, he sat for his big exam and so now he is around. Before that, I truly felt like a single parent b/c he was never home at night before the kids went to bed and never around on Saturdays or after church on Sundays. Thanks for your post and please know that you are not alone. Thanks for sharing what each of us are probably feeling or thinking. I love my husband and he does do his job of providing for his family. Sometimes I wish men just expressed themselves more to let us know how they truly feel about us without having to push to get it out of them.

  • Bellamia
    July 21, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    Hey Darby! Thanks for your support and comments on my blog! I love your blog. You and Justin are so real! Thank you for always being so open and encouraging! When I had my hysterectomy (sp?) 3 years ago, a sweet friend told me to keep a journal during that time in my life- well, let’s just say, I can’t decide if I should be thankful for it being a reminder of how much I truly need my Savior to satisfy all my needs, or burn it for all the awful things I wrote about Tim! How great it is to have such a forgiving God!!!! I pray you have a very encouraging day tomorrow!!

  • Kelly
    July 21, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    I wish I had only thrown a pizza on the floor…ha! I have thrown the top of a beloved teapot from my wedding registry clear across the room (never intended to hit anyone, just to make a point!).

    I feel ya…my husband has been studying for the patent bar exam for the last 5 months, while going to school for his MBA, on top of working 50 hour weeks. Every single weekend and spare moment has been spent studying. I get to the point where I feel at such a loss with trying to be a supportive spouse and a good mom…but there are moments that I just want to cry and get mad at him for not having to be there when one of the kids misses the toilet, or falls and can’t stop crying, and I am the one that feeds them, baths them, puts them to bed, cleans up after them, does the dishes, etc…all on a weekend when we are supposed to be having some family time (I forgot about “me” time a long time ago). But I know that he is just doing what he has to do in order to provide for our family. Soooo…I just rambled on and on, but I understand where you are coming from and I can’t imagine doing it all with 3 kids…congrats by the way on your gorgeous new son. Know that you are not alone 🙂 Be well and feel better.

  • Heather H
    July 22, 2008 at 4:47 am

    you are so brave! of course every single person who is married has issues in thier marriage. we are just too afraid to admit it!!!

    my husband reads my blog religiously, so i’m afraid to get too personal there.

    but, just know that yes …. we fight about the same things. someone told me recently that if you DON’T argue with your husband … there’s a problem!

    take care!

  • Caroline
    July 22, 2008 at 6:14 am

    I think there are just some things that you can’t understand unless you are a stay at home mom. It is SO much harder than I ever imagined it to be. But I do love it at the same time. I get frusturated because I feel like my hubby works 8-9 hrs a day, then he is “off.” When does my shift end? Half of the work I need to get done around the house I can’t do until the toddler goes down at 8pm. My husband is very happy to do things for her when I ask him to but never really volunteers. That makes me feel like it is “my job” and he just kindof helps me out. I have to just remind myself that I am LUCKY to be able to stay home with her and she will be in school soon and I will probaby miss the time we had together. But it’s hard. I understand your feelings and your issues with your husband. We all do. It’s just a part of the whole deal. We have great husbands, they just aren’t perfect… and neither are we.

  • Abby Maddox
    July 22, 2008 at 6:45 am

    I rarely write about Jeremiah and my fights, but he still feels like I make him look bad in every blog 🙂 Just last night he said, “Abby, if I read your blog and I didn’t know our family, I would hate me.” Its funny, because I feel like I am always trying to make him look good…go figure!

    Thanks for your honesty. I heard Justin tell Jeremiah one time, that he hated himself because you never got mad and said hurtful things to him, and he was always saying things that hurt your feelings. I have felt bad about myself ever since 🙂 So, I am glad to know you have thrown an occasional piece of pizza on the floor…I’ve kicked a dent in our trash can 🙂

    I also appreciate your comments about our vast knowledge in areas besides politics…you are so right!

  • Anonymous
    July 23, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    I think she actually pegged me in the leg with that pizza slice!
    -Darby’s loving huband